Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
