found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
