just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
