Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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