one might say we're banned from that church
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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