well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
