jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
