What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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