i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
