I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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