My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
