Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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