and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
