He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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