these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
