do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
