Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
