so explain again why im purple
no
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All the doctor said was why
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
