how can u be prego again
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
