So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
