I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Acid is not a monday night drug
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
