I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
