the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
