i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
