He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
