I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize