I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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