I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
