I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
