Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
