I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
