We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
