I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
