I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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