nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
