I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
