i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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