just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize