I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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