I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
