I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
