I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He? As in you personified your dick?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
