Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize