dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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