I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
