this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
