Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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