Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
