Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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