Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You work out of a Hotel?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize