I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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