it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
