Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
