Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
