I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
