thus making me awesome and them whores
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
