Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
