Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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