i jhust puked up my retainher.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
