Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
