Your face is a jimmy john
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
