Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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