We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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