good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
