There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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