you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
