***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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