it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
