I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
