my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
