The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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