Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize