It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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