We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
