you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
