doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize