My Higher Power is John Stamos
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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