i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
