Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
