I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
PANTIES FOUND
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